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Phillionaire
P.O. Box 13291
Richmond, VA 23225
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Creative Works
Top Ten Blitzen Complaints
by the Phillionaire
- Always having to swerve to miss drunken American Airline pilots.
- Rudolph's insistance on beans and franks on Christmas Eve makes flying behind him unbearable.
- Pay checks frequently missent to Wolf Blitzer.
- Balancing precariously on a freezing cold rooftop while Santa stuffs his face with cookies.
- Santa always tries to get out of delivering presents until some damn cartoon character shows up to save Christmas. And it happens every year!
- Radio station never plays "Blitzen, the kick-ass reindeer" anymore.
- Vixen sleeps with all the other reindeer but me!
- Frosty the Snowman is the only vet in town, and man! Does he have cold hands!
- The island of misfit toys still scares the crap out of me.
- Jingles, the Lyme's Disease Carrying Christmas Tick.
--end--
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