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If you could get a million people to give $1 each... |
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by the Phillionaire As I sipped my double cappuccino, I noticed a strange creature, part bird, part golden retriever, part Accountant, warbling like the new spring day. I spied, from the corner of my bespectacled eyes, an adorable squirrel, frolicking in the gently swaying grass. Without warning, a large plume of flame erupted from the squirrel's right eye and shot outward to approximately 4 ft, engulfing a nearby pigeon. For a full 15 minutes the flames continued until all that was left of the pigeon was a small pile of ashes. The squirrel turned to me and said "Button, button, who's got the button?" Then suddenly, this time with warning, the squirrel shot into the air, passing a full 50ft above a nearby tree, much like a giant furry bottle rocket. I couldn't see where the squirrel landed, but I did hear breaking glass in the distance, and then a car alarm going off. It was getting late, so I decided it was time to get back to work. A few meters down the path I noticed a homeless drunk, passed out in a puddle of transmission fluid and newly minted dimes. His walkman was blaring "jingle bell rock" and I noticed that his shoes were covered in zinc and lemon curd. That's when I met her... And how my life would change... She was like no other woman I had ever seen before. Standing a full 8 1/2 feet tall, and yet clad in only the finest silk pajamas, she stood before me, gargling and rinsing, like some dental hygienist giantess arising from a year long slumber. I wanted to reach out and touch her, but I realized I couldn't, seeing how my hands were actually nailed to my forehead. But fate had other plans. For at the same time that I was staring at this bewitching beauty, across town, the notorious Dr. Shplinkle had just thrown the switch on his latest creation. Thank God I could not hear the sound of his test group of cub scouts, being slowly lowered into their de-lousing baths. "Too bad the Chinaman isn't here to see this!" he explained. --end?-- |
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